Collection of Bad picup Lines - Courtesy of Andre Shori

• Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
  
• Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
  
• Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
  
  
• Do you have a boyfriend?
• [No] Want one?
• [Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
  
  
• Do you want to see something swell?
  
• Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!
  
• Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
  
• Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?
  
• Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
  
• I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.
  
• I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
  
• I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
• I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.
• My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place.
• No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
• Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
• Pardon me, are you in heat?!
• Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
• So, you're a girl huh?
• Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
• Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
• Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some friends because my face seats five.
• You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
• >You make my software turn to hardware!
• You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
• To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well:"Hey, wanna hook up sometime?"
• Pardon me, have you seen my missing nobel prize around here anywhere?
• Are you accepting applications for your fan club?
• Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me.
• Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
• My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to
• Is your name Pepsi cause' I've gotta have it.
• There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.....
• Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
• When I first saw you, I knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsle hockey.
• Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, "do you want to taste my drink?"
• They call me "coffee". I grind so fine.
• Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?
• Which one of the Spice girls are you?
  
  
• Male: Hey, I don't feel to good.
• Female: Why?
• Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach.
• Female: What?
• Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.
  
  
• Weren't you at the tractor pull last night? I remember your tits.
• Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.
• This is a test of the emergency pick up line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pick up line.
• Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
  
  
• Guy: I bet you're a C-cup.
• Girl: How'd you know that?
• Guy: My testicles are the same size.
  
  
• My love for you is like diaharrea, I just can't hold it in
• Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you've got nice eyes.
• I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic
• Can I take you to the Bone-yard?
• I may not be dairy queen but I'll treat you right!!!
• Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, "Particularily nice weather."
• Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?
• Damn, have you been eating beans and rice lately?
• I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?
• (Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
• All those curves, and me with no brakes.
• Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
• Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
• Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
• Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
• Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
• Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you."
• Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!
• Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
• Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
• Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
• Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland last year, weren't you?
• I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
• I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
• I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
• I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
• I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
• I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
• I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
• I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
• If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
• If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
• Is it hot in here or is it just you?
• Just where do those legs of yours end?
• Let's take a shower together -- you smell.
• Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
• So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
• Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince) like you.
• Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!
• Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
• Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
• Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
• Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
• What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
• What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
• Wow! Are those real?
• Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
• You are the reason men fall in love.
• You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
• You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
• You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
  
  
• You look like my third wife.
• She: Oh, how many time have you been married?
• Twice.
  
  
• You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
• You should be someone's wife.
• You're ugly but you intrigue me.
• You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.
• Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
• Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
• Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night!
  
  
• If you have a chance to become anything on earth what would you want to become?"
• [the answer] you: " well to me, i want to be your tear drop: i was born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
  
  
• Babe! you look so fine i could drink your bath water!
• I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
• I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
• You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
• You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
• Baby, you so flat you make the walls jealous.
• If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
• I bet you could suck the chrome off a trailor hitch.
• I bet you could suck Lincolns head off a penny.
• Gee, for a fat girl you sure dont sweat much.
• Are you wearing space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.
• Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...
• If god made any thing better than you he keep it for him self.
  
  
• Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink.
• Girl: Why?
• Guy:I looked at you and dropped mine.
  
  
• Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
• There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!
• Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
• Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special.
  
  
• Guy: Hey, how did you do that?
• Girl: What?
• Guy: Look so good?
  
  
• Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
• If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
• Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
• Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
• If you stood infront of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
• I just wanted to show this rose how incredably beautiful you are!!
• I betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day.
• If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
• You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family. I hope that it would be seen as flattery.
• You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
• Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
• You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
• I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
• Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Superbowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) cuz it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.
  
  
• Guy: Where's your paper bag?
• Girl: What?
• Guy: Your paper bag to put over your head.
• Girl: Excuse me?
• Guy: It's dangerous for someone like you to be out in public with all of these horny people around. Don't worry, I'll protect you.
  
  
• When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
• Has anyone ever told you that you have Scandinavian hands? (Uh, no.) No, of course not, that would be an incredibily stupid thing to say, wouldn't it?
• Excuse me miss... Is your face so messed up because you fell from heaven.
• Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
• Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
• Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
• Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?
• Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
• Do you go the ocean much? 'Cause you smell like the CLAM!
• Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
  
  
• Guy: I'm sorry, but, have we met before?
• Girl: No.
• Guy: Oh, I'm sorry, I guess that it must have been your mom.
  
  
• Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
• You're a babe, right? Haven't you seen the film?
• Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
• Even though the ugly lights are shining bright, you still look beautiful.
• (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
• A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
• Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
• At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
• Baby, I'm an American Express lover.... you shouldn't go home without me!
• Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
• Can I flirt with you?
• Can I please be your slave tonight?
• Can I see your tan lines?
• Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?
• Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
• Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
• Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
• Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch?
• Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
• Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
• Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coord inated.
• Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend.
• Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
• Do you spit or swallow?
• Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in them.
• Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?
• Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
• Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
  
  
• Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi Laura!"
• She says, "I'm not Laura!"
• And you say, as your hand slips a little lower, "But you sure feel like her!"
  
  
• Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
• God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
• Have you ever played leap frog naked ??
• Help the homeless. Take me home with you.
• Here's a quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight.
• Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?
• Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
• Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
• Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption.
• Hi, I'm new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I've see so far. Can you give me a tour of your body?
• Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
• Hi. Are you legal?
• Hi. You'll do.
• How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
• How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
• I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laughter.
• I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
• I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
• I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
• I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
• I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
• I wonder what our children will look like.
• I would kill or die to make love with you.
• I would say that I'm in love with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a fast one.
• I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
• I'd look good on you.
• I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
• I'm an organ donor, need anything?
• I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
• I'm leaving this place..want to cum?
• I've got a condom with your name on it.
• I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it?
• I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night?
• If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
• If I was Elvis, would you screw me? (supposedly used by Elvis!)
• If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
• If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?
• Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me?
• Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
• Lie down. I think I love you.
• Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
• Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."
• Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
• Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
• Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
• Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
• Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?
• Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
• So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
• So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
• That dress looks great on you... as a matter of fact, so would I.
• That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
• That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
• That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.
• That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
• There are 265 bones in the human body. How'd ya like one more?
• There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
• Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
• Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here.
• Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
• Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?
• Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
• What do you like for breakfast?
• When she asks, for a match. "How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?"
• Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
• Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
• Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
• Will you marry me for just one night?
• Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
• Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
• Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
• Would you please come home with me and tie me up...
• Ya know, my mother would just love you if I brought you to my place tonight and then to her place tomorrow.
• You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
• You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
• You know, I've always wanted to sleep with you.
• You smell wet. Let's Party.
• You're good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
• Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?
• Hey baby...mind if I take my pants off?
• I love you, you know.
• Hey kitten! How about spending some of your nine lives with me?
• If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?
• Have you ever played spank the brunett.....wanta try?
• Are those lumber jack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
• Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.
• Girl, yo' so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a hole filed of you! -
• You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
• Is your last name Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get.
• I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.
• HEY BABY, AS LONG AS I HAVE A FACE YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE TO SIT.
• Hi. Can I domesticate you?
• Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
• Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
• If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
• Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.
• Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
• "Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" Woman: "What's that?" You: "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonite."
• I've been a bad boy/girl,so spank me!
• Say Baby do you mind if I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so?
• I'm a freelance gynocologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
• Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
  
  
• Guy: "So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most sexual relationship?"
• Girl: "No".
• Guy: "Well then, let's go to my place and I'll tell you all about it."
  
  
• Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why? Because everytime I look at you I have swelling "down there"
• Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it? -
• Let's let only latex stand between our love.
• (Walk up to a girl and lick two fingers and place them near her crotch. Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I know you!
• So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod?
• Um...I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
• There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
  
  
• Guy: If you had some nuts on the wall, would they be walnuts?
• Girl: yes.
• Guy: If you had some nuts on your chest, would they be chestnuts?
• Girl: yes
• Guy: If you had some nuts on your chin, would they be chinnuts?
• Girl: yes
• Guy: Hell no, you'd have a dick in your mouth.
  
  
• Do you like chips? Because if you are frito lay than I am a barrel of fun!
• I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
• Come over here and get a taste of America's Most Wanted.
• Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your play toy tonight.
  
  
• Guy: Did you know that I saved a girl's life last night?
• Girl: No.
• Guy:I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
  
  
• You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, storages? Well, I don't even own a car.
• Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?
• How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?
• Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.
• Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
• Hey baby, I'd like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley.
• Hi. I'm a dog and I need to bury my bone.
• Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhabitions and DO what we really came here to do.
• You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
• Do you live on a chicken farm (girl says no) well you sure know how to raise cocks
  
  
• Guy: Excuse me, but you have a "dick for" on your head.
• Girl: What's a "dick for"?
• Guy: I'll show you.
  
  
• Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
• Hi, sorry I don't have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . .
• What'll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
• Do you wanna box? [Yes.] Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.
• Pick a number between 1 and 10. Shit you lose now take off your clothes.
• Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
• What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (switch if female asking a male)
• I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
• If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
• Oh I'm sorry, (wiping your face), let me clear a place for you to sit!
• Hey I see your wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.
• Is your boyfriend/girlfriend here? Is s/he on the roof? (No.) Then let's go to the roof!
• Wanna play "kite"? I lay down, you blow and we'll see how high you can make me.
• My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .
• I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.
• Do you have room in your life for another friend?
• Nice pants, can I test the zipper?
• Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
• Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
• Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.
• If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?
• Could you tell me where they keep the rutabegas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabega?
• I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
• I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.
• I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.
• If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.
• Hi. I'm horny. (apparently this works more often than not??)
  
  
• Guy: Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder!
• Girl: What's a Wild Blocost?
• Guy: How much do ya got?
  
  
• You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
• You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What's wrong with my clothing?) They're still on.
• (Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
• So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?

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